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how to train a puppy

18 February 2011

Curious About the Best Way to Train a Puppy?

We discovered an almost foolproof way to train a puppy to ignore pant legs, as well as refrain from biting and crimping the handle of expensive stainless steel fridges.


Overload her Yahoo! Calendar and smother her with affection. She’ll hardly have the time or energy to do anything beyond updating her Facebook page.

It is “Chinese Tiger Mom” meets the love and affection of the many stars of March of the Penguins.

It’s also the best way we’ve found to get a rambunctious 3-month-old Great Dane puppy to behave, given her still-incomplete education.

Filling the Day

To ensure the fullness of the calendar, we’ve borrowed heavily from examples of Type A parents raising Type A kids who fill their boarding school and college applications with extensive academic, athletic, extracurricular, political, religious and metaphysical achievements.

The result: we’ve successfully overscheduled Luna into a canine equivalent of the typical 4.2 GPA-carrying senior applying to the Ivies.

Acknowledging Moderation

To balance the Tiger Mom stress and ensure Luna doesn’t investigate substance abuse for relief, MW infiltrates the daily schedule with liberal snuggling. Admittedly, though, the snuggling is going a little overboard; last night, I went upstairs to find MW and OD reading in bed. I inquired after Luna, whereupon OD raised the duvet, revealing Luna sleeping between them. (Note to self: change bed linen).

The Dog’s Daily Routine

Here is Luna’s daily schedule. The upcoming 6-week obedience training course will temporarily change the routine one evening a week.

6:30: Awaken, rise (skip shower and shave)

6:32: Potty break

7:00: Breakfast

7:06: Potty break immediately after breakfast

7:15-7:30: Snuggle with MW

7:30-9:00: Nap

9:00-9:30: Walk and training (sit and stay).

Distance: most days (300m), except for Wed. when it is 1 km during weekly playdates with Bodie.

9:30-11:00: Nap. (Except Wed. when Luna and Bodie play until lunch)

11:00-12:00: Play or walk (300m) or both. Includes potty break.

Noon: Lunch

12:20-3:00: Chew bones or nap or combination of both. (Snuggle if requested).

3:00: Walk (900m). Includes potty break.

3:30: Play or chew bone

5:00: Dinner

5:05: Potty break

5:15-6:30: Nap or chew bone

6:30-7:00: Walk + training (sit and stay) (500m)

7:00-8:00: Snuggle. Luna typically watches a documentary or BBC Mystery and helps OD identify murderer(s), arsonist or adulterers before episode ends.

8:00: Last call for the water bar. Last chance to hydrate before morning.

8:30: Final potty break

9:00: Upstairs to bed

9:02: Emergency walk around block if acting mental

9:30: Asleep in paddock.

12wk old great dane puppy SNUGGLING

trying to figure out who killed Colonel Mustard in the conservatory

There isn’t a lot of flexibility incorporated into the above activities. If you don’t work at home, or haven’t yet lost your job, ask an unemployed neighbor for assistance.

So far this puppy training method works for us. It should help you successfully train your puppy, too, and avoid having to vist the local mental health center for counseling, or Home Depot to buy spackle to repair drywall holes.

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