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Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) for puppies: a friendlier kind of dogfighting

18 February 2011

Luna’s made a best friend. She’s a Bernese Mountain Dog called Zoe who lives next door. She’s six weeks older than Luna. They spend a lot of time together.

For best friends, they sure fight a lot.

Whenever they’re together, they’re either playfully fighting or aggressively playing. It closely approximates mixed martial arts (MMA).

You may not have heard of MMA but you will. It is, essentially, a combination of kick boxing, wrestling, and traditional boxing. As boxing continues to slowly die, MMA has arisen to slake the bloodlust of males, and help beer and soft drink marketers hit their quarterly numbers. It’s soaring in popularity among males aged 18-40, and women who like watching men in surf shorts punch and kick each other.

Mike Tyson Sports Illustrated cover

as ferocious as a puppy?

Love is Biting Your Best Friend

In their canine adaptation of MMA, Luna and Zoe have modified the rules:

1. Biting is Permitted

Not Mike Tyson biting, mind you, but nipping. Biting earns a disqualification in human MMA but puppy bites are an integral part of their version.

2. Ear Throws Are Permitted

Luna has already perfected the ear throw. It’s her signature move, against which Zoe has yet to invent an effective defense. Bite your opponent’s ear and flip them over on their back. Jump on their belly and wiggle. Luna’s surprisingly skilled at this move. (You’ll see it at least 3 times in the video below). Definitely, a little Jackie Chan.

3. In-Fight Rest Breaks are Permitted

Fighters are allowed to stop fighting, lose concentration, rest, roll-over, stretch, eat grass, look around, and/or lose the plot at their leisure during bouts. Fights resume at the discretion of the combatants.

Blood(less) Sport

Zoe bases her fighting tactics on strength and straight-line aggression. Her age advantage translates into a considerable weight advantage – probably 10-12 lbs currently. She prefers what is called submission fighting, using a lot of wrestling moves. As Luna grows and overtakes her in height and weight, she’ll have to change her tactics, though.

In contrast, Luna’s tactics comprise feints, slights-of-paw, diversions, misdirection, counter punching, and the ever-likely ear throw.

Best Mates Who Fight Like Girls

If Luna and Zoe were lads, I’d call them best mates. Instead, they’re girls who’ve each found a best friend (BF) to hang out with, and bite now and then.

I don’t think either would have a problem wearing a woven collar proclaiming, “I fight like a girl.”

UNC play like a girl tee

love is biting your BF

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