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eight things our puppy has eaten: from odd to truly disgusting

26 March 2011

Q: What Will Puppies Eat?

What you put in your mouth, what you’re willing to chew and swallow, says a lot about your standards. If you’re sober, it says a lot about who you are. If you’re a college student on Spring Break in Daytona Beach, society gives you a pass.

The now-dead French entertainer Michel Lotito made his living eating the uneatable. Known as Monsieur Mangetout (Mister Eat Everything), he became famous for deliberately consuming indigestible objects, such as bicycles, shopping carts, and televisions. His most famous project was a Cessna 150 airplane that took roughly two years to “eat,” from 1978 to 1980.

If we lived in Paris, the neighbors might have already taken to calling our great dane puppy Luna “le chien qui mange tout” (the dog who eats everything), or Luna Lotito. Luna’s standards are, I can charitably say, fairly low. They could be the result of:

a. poor eyesight
b. underdeveloped/immature sense of taste
c. devil-may-care attitude
d. global warming
e. all of the above

A: Puppies Will Eat Almost Anything

The list below is comprised of things she has chewed and/or swallowed in the first ten weeks. It begins with the odd, and progresses to the “what on Earth was she thinking?”

Outdoor dining table (teak)

Not sure why she chews our aging outdoor patio table because it splinters like no other wood I’ve seen.

Toilet paper roll

Adolescent mischief, or something more sinister? This one is pretty easy to prevent if we remember to close the bathroom door. Given, though, that she’s taught herself to jump and open the back door to the garden, she might be one step ahead of us if she’s hungry for cardboard.


I don’t know how much roughage Hill’s Pet Nutrition includes in its Science Diet product that we give to Luna as puppy training rewards. There probably isn’t much, because leaves have been a staple of Luna’s outdoor adventures since her arrival.


With as much rain as we’ve had this month, the snails have been multiplying faster than we can get rid of them. Without butter, do they still taste like escargot? We might have to cook Luna some Julia Child plates so she can compare.

Cat poop (neighbors’ cats)

Luna’s feline sister (LC) is an indoor cat. Most of our neighbors’ are not. If your smeller isn’t working, this stuff can look a lot like clumps of compost. I’ll give Luna a pass and put it down to mistaken identity.

Dog poop (neighbor dogs not considered friends)

An unfortunate effect of living close to some people who give dog owning a bad name. If they were more responsible humans, their dogs wouldn’t feel so free (liberalism run amuck??) to poop in our yard and tempt our puppy. If that happened, she could restrict herself to just one poop category (see below).

Dog poop (friends)

“If you wanna be my friend, first, you gotta smell my bum, then eat my poop.” Although Luna knows all of her friends’ bum smells, I don’t know why she carries their friendship to this level of intimacy. It’s gross.

Tampon (used)

An unforgettable sight. In February, Luna stole a used tampon that MW (my wife) had carefully deposited in the bathroom garbage can. She brought it into the carpeted home office, and tore into it as if it was an injured snowshoe hare. Torn paper and shredded plastic everywhere. Blood sprayed on the carpet. Cross between a CSI machete scene and an outtake from a David Cronenberg movie before he went mainstream. Truly, truly disgusting.

I think of the bottom half of this list whenever Luna wants to affectionately lick my face. It gives me pause.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. 05 April 2011 2:49 am

    My puppy always seems to want to sniff at other dog’s poo, and so far I’ve tried to keep him away from it. I don’t understand why dogs want to eat any sort of poo. Does it not smell bad to them?

    • 05 April 2011 8:42 pm

      It isn’t about smell as we humans define smell. What smells awful to us might not smell awful to your dog. Sniffing the poop of other dogs helps your dog identify its source. The habit of eating poop actually has a formal name – coprophagia. That’s a bigger issue.

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