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a puppy’s letter to santa

22 December 2011

Dear Santa,

I’m typing this on my mama’s computer.

It is a box under her desk attached to a screen that looks like our tv, only it’s a lot smaller. My mama spends many hours looking at the screen and tapping her fingers on 4 rows of small squares.  That’s how I know how to create letters and words and then hit the print button. my mama thinks I sleep most of the time; she doesn’t know that I have been studying her for months to learn how to use a computer and semi-colons properly.

my family (There are three in my family) is out shopping or watching a basketball game or at jamba juice. They put me in my house. It’s actually a metal cage just like the places where the Vietnamese bad guys in the first Rambo movie put the American POWs who Stallone rescues after killing 174 bad guys. I apologize for digressing as I know reading millions of letters, maybe even billions, takes you away from your family and elves.

Anyway, I know how to get out of my cage when they’re gone. My family watches a lot of movies like Mission Impossible 3. I learned a lot of escape tricks from Tom Cruise who plays the good guy. We (me included) love that movie, but Unfortunately, he’s in a cult called Scientology and I don’t know if scientologists allow other scientologists to believe in someone who has greater powers (that’s yu) than L. Ron hubbard. (LRon is their founder).

Me and my 2-legged sister OD believe in you. lotss.

i’m writing this letter to tell you about my place on your present list.

To begin, I’ve been a good dog this year. Despite what my dad writes in his blog, I really have been good   A lot of stuff that he writes is made up. (Made up means invented. but you probably already know that). I’ve heard him describe what he writes about me as comedy. Some of it is true but i know that some of it is made up because I just would not do some things that he attributes to me. (there is a book called a thesaurus beside the desk. It helps me use big words like attribute appropriately).

“He sees you when you’re sleeping
He knows when you’re awake.
He knows if you’ve been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake”

I’m a Good Dog

Anyway, i Know I’ve been good this year? How do I know I have been and you can just take my word for it? I know because i hear my mama say these words 3 to four times every day. “You’re a good dog luna.” This letter, then, is from a really good dog. By your own criteria, I qualify.

Here are a few things that I’d like to find under the christmas tree on christmas morning:

1. electric blanket

I like to heat up my parents’ bed in the morning and before bed but nobody does it for me. I’m a California dog but an electric blankie would still be luvely.

2. Tazer

There are a couple of dogs that are really mean to me at the dog park. Three weeks ago, one of them bit me and removed some of my neck hair. I’m not a violent dog. I’ve never bitten anyone but I need some protection.

3. Treat Shrub

I’ve never seen one before but that doesn’t mean it does not exist, right? Is there a small tree or shrub that grows dog treats that my family could put in the backyard so I wouldn’t have to beg so often? I’d like one of those, please.

4. Closer relationship with my feline sister

I share our house with a cat called LC. we are not what you would call close. i’ve really tried to make friends with her but she misinterprets my jumping and noise-making for aggression. I’m not an aggressive puppy, at all. (see #2 above). i would like to be friends with LC. Can you please help with this?

5. More bones and better bones

I don’t get enough bones to chew on. I’ve got big teeth and a big mouth so I can hold my own against any bone. When my mama buys me a bone, it doesn’t last very long. I’m talking less than 30 minutes for even the largest bones. I know, people say “get that puppy a nylabone.” have you ever chewed on one of them? Ooops, silly question. Well, they taste terrible. What I want is a bone that tastes good and lasts. Think nylabone meets beef wellington. If you have one of those, please drop it in your santa sack.

That’s it. I don’t need much because I have a family that loves me.

I know your sleigh will be pretty heavy and rudolf and his peeps already struggle to pull it but they’re fellow animals an i am confident they won’t begrudge you bringing a really good dog a few prezzies on Christmas eve.

Yours Truly,


One Comment leave one →
  1. 22 December 2011 11:32 pm

    A response from Cassandra – your sister. When my Uncle was with us, he use to get attacked a lot by other dogs. My Mommy finally bought a stun baton which she now takes with us when we go on walks.
    She hasn’t had to use it yet but I’m sure it will drop any attacking dog to it’s knees. She also carries Citronella spray as the first line of defense which can be purchased at most pet stores.
    I hope you get what you wish for on your Christmas list.

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